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Tip 129 – Make Life Happen, Watch Life Happen, or Wonder What the Heck Happened?
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I don't think I would have ever used the word "victim" to describe myself.  However, to be a victim is to feel like one has no choice, as if any situation we find ourselves in is being "done" to us and we have no recourse. 

The truth is, we all have choices, always.  Even if that choice is simply to refuse to feel like a victim no matter what the circumstances.

I've had an internal voice on repeat in the recent past. The voice constantly said, "I HAVE to do everything around here!" and only added to my sense of overwhelm. It stressed me and the people around me out.

Yes, I do have a lot of pressure and responsibilities. But the fact and truth is, I absolutely DO NOT have to do everything – nor do I do everything, nor have I ever done everything. The voice is just flat out wrong. With that voice, I was talking myself into being a victim. That helped nobody, least of all me!

Regardless of whether my feeling is positive or fair, it does well up inside of me. You may have similar internal monologues that you just can't shake. Getting to the bottom of why can help you kick them. Think about the underlying emotions, and ask what would happen if you did not do your personal "have to."  For me, that goes something like this: If, in fact, I do not "do everything," or at least try, I feel irresponsible.  If I feel irresponsible, I feel afraid.  If I feel afraid, I feel resentful.  If I feel resentful, I feel angry, and if I feel angry, I feel powerless, overwhelmed and depressed.  Ugh.  And I think many of you have felt what it's like to go there.  Not good for any of us.

It kind of makes sense that I'd rather just try to "do everything" than feel powerless, overwhelmed and depressed, right? That still doesn't make it a strong course of action – try to do everything and you'll do nothing well.

When I recognized that I had a choice, I started making a new one. I started to delegate more to the amazing and talented team I've got working with me. Together, we are setting set a much clearer vision of what success looks like so that we can own it together. That way I can step back without those negative feelings of fear and irresponsibility.

So why didn't I just do this to start with, when it seems so obvious? I'd had the instinct, but for the longest time, I chose to ignore it. Do you have any such instincts inside you? Maybe it's time to act.

Remember, we can make life happen, watch life happen, or wonder what the heck happened?! Let's make life happen, together.

Warmest,
Keith

Visit my blog to discuss this week's Tip

I’m 3 months into a new job, after many years in the environment I described above. Angie, your book recommendation sounds like a good read for someone trying to get the lay of the land in herfirst government job–thanks!

I look forward to future blogs. Cheers!

“The pro is the person who has all the hassles, obstacles, and disappointing frustrations that everyone else has. yet continues to persist, does the job, and makes it look easy.”
— David Cooper, Sales Trainer

Jaime, if you don’t want to call yourself a hero, I think “pro” is fitting for you!

You make a great point about the impact of peoples’ attitudes on everyone they work with. I wonder if job satisfaction is as much the people you work with as the job you are tasked with. Seems that way in my experience.

I consider myself to be a can-do sort of person, no hero but certainly persistent and sometimes creative in getting the job done. However, like everyone I live in the real world of shifting priorities and sometimes work overload. I try to use effective communication to convey to, say, a manager, that the new priority will cause some schedule (and possibly other) adjustments to current assignments and current workload may affect the timeline for the new assignment. I consider it a professional responsibility to manage expectations so that I can meet them and I give 110% to do so. But I’ve seen that some managers see these communications as (a) messages not to assign any more work to me because I’m obviously overloaded and (b) subtle means of saying “No” to what I’m being asked to do. I don’t mean this at all so obviously my communication is not as effective as hoped.

I bring this up in this forum because I wonder if there is a person type in between victim and hero who is well intentioned and highly productive but only capable of performing so many miracles with the available hours. How does this person survive in the workplace??